Abience
by beckettsdaisy
Summary: "He used to bring me coffee every morning, with a smile that is contagious but now, no coffee, no smile. His face is always in a frown, and if you've been around him long enough, you can just tell he isn't himself. I don't know what I've done wrong.." Season 4 AU. Post 47 Seconds


It's been going on for weeks now and she couldn't quite put her finger on the reason why.

He was distancing himself majorly, his facial expressions were hard as stone and she could tell something had changed with him. She thought it was just a thing he was dealing with, but it wasn't going away and she was afraid she was really going to lose him this time. Her partner, her friend, the man she loved deep down in the bottom of her heart.

She was still going to her regular therapy sessions and Burke had caught her spacing out. Maybe talking it out could bring some light.

"Kate?" Her head snapped in the direction of the male's voice, her therapist looking at her patiently. "Tell me what's on your mind right now. You can't seem to focus on anything else."

She was silent for a moment, forming words to explain her situation around her brain before she re situated herself in the leather chair across from Dr. Burke.

"He's fading away, distancing himself. He isn't the joyful, theory filled man I know. If he gives any input into a case, it's usually dry and emotionless. It's never been that way. He can't seem to even be in a room with me anymore, won't talk to me unless it's about a case.." She trailed off, shutting her mouth to take a quick swallow.

"He used to bring me coffee every morning, with a smile that is contagious but now, no coffee, no smile. His face is always in a frown, and if you've been around him long enough, you can just tell he isn't himself. I don't know what I've done wrong.."

"Have you told him?" She knew exactly what he was talking about, but saying it out loud was like she'd have to face it. That she lied to him about hearing him confess his love because she got scared of how she felt and ran, like always. She only shook her head as a reaction as she sighed.

"It was a bombing case that changed everything. One minute we were working on finding who dropped the bag and the next moment he was cold, and heartless-" She stopped her words as she pondered for a minute.

Wait, the bombing case. She had let it slip out that she had taken a bullet and remembered everything. He had mysteriously left the precinct when she came out from the interrogation that day.

She stood to her feet quickly, mumbling to the male watching her that she had to go and she was sorry. She didn't take her time rushing out, hailing a cab and quickly making her way back to the 12th.

* * *

When she arrives, unfortunately Castle isn't there. No, he had decided he was going to follow that beat cop around who's other partners had mysteriously died on their first day. Letting out a sigh, she decided she'd have to wait until he came around to have the chat with him, this couldn't wait anymore.

It was about half an hour and she was flipping through paperwork when she heard talking between voices, one that she instantly knew. Glancing to her right, she noticed Castle making his way in, along side Slaughter who was the cop her partner was following around. She couldn't miss the chance to talk with him before he left again.

Standing to her feet, she hurried over to the two of them, knowing Ethan's eyes were scaling her body.

"Hey, Castle. Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Uh, can it wait? I'm kinda with Slaughter here, we're going to need to use one of the rooms for-" His words were cut off as she shook her head.

"No, it can't wait. Please." She asked again, motioning him towards the break room. He let out a sigh, but before he could start moving, the male cop beside him nudged him, mumbling something before nodding towards her, as if expecting she'd be interested in him. Right.

Castle only glared at him before stepping in front of her as she led him into the break room. Only once the door was shut and the blinds were down did she turn around and step closer to him.

"Castle, what's going on with you? You're not the same nine year old on a sugar rush that I used to know. I could ask if it's something I've done, but I think I already know, so just tell me what's bothering you. We can't keep avoiding each other like the plague anymore." His glare only deepened as she talk and she resisted the urge to step back as he stepped close to her, menacingly into her personal bubble.

"You lied to me, Beckett. Saying you remembered nothing of Montgomery's funeral only, you remembered everything. But, instead of coming out with the truth that you feel nothing for me, you became a coward and decided to hide behind your walls. I would have dealt with the fact you don't love me better than you lying. I wouldn't have lied to you." His cold eyes bore into hers as she didn't dare break their contact.

She stepped closer, too close in her mind, but at this point, boundaries didn't matter. The truth needed to get out now. "That's what you think, Castle? I don't love you? How can you be so oblivious to the fact that you are the one who makes me smile, who I trust so much, and how it's a different kind than I do with Ryan and Esposito. I love them too, but their love is brotherly. Yours? My love for you drives me crazy. All the way around the world. I know I should have lied about hearing you, but I was scared. I'm a broken mess and I haven't placed all the pieces back together yet, and I lied, because I was scared but also because I wanted to be better. For you. Not any other person, not because I didn't feel the same. So don't rule the excuse of me not loving you. Because I couldn't stop loving you if I tried."

She took in a deep breath after her voice had somewhat rose over how she was handling this situation. He stared back at her before he stepped closer, their noses were inches away from each other and their eye contact stayed constant. "That wall..that wall eliminating was for me? You were doing this for me.." She nodded, reaching up a hand to caress his cheek, smiling when he didn't push her away.

"Yes, because without you, I wouldn't have found my mother's killer, I wouldn't have a better social life, and I wouldn't have someone that I can lean on when I feel like I can't stand on my own anymore. We have to stop this poor communication, I can't run from things I'm scared of anymore and you have to trust me that I'm trying to right myself, let the wall down for you to come in." Taking a leap, she leaned forward brushing her lips against his own.

His hand curled around her waist while the other grazes her flush skin as their lips locked in a soft, sweet manner. They pulled away for air to which Kate slid her hand into his, locking their fingers for the small moment. "Are we good now?" She asked, knowing she'd still have a lot to make up to him but he pecked her on the cheek in return and she knew they could bypass this obstacle and hopefully learn from this in the future.

* * *

 **Abience:- the strong urge to avoid someone or something**


End file.
